Pink cover! Nina Dobrev! Which is odd because the main interview/profile (which is almost always the person on the cover) is with Rebel Wilson! I guess they didn't think Rebel Wilson was cover material because she's clearly too fat to be glamorous! "Mind Blowing Sex Moves You've Never Tried Before!" God, I hope they really are, because that means they'll be hilarious! I can't work with Cosmo when they just do shit like "amazing newly-discovered sex secret: touch his penis!"
During sex, she asked me if I would say "Parsons," which is where she went to college. I thought it was weird, but because I was drunk, I went with it. Then she asked me to say "Park the car in the Harvard Yard"--she said my Boston accent turned her on! So I continued to say random sentences for her.The sex must've been pretty damn good, because most Bostonians will flip you off if you start "PAAHHHK THE CAHHHH"ing at them.
(Then again, I'm a hypocrite, because I still think it's funny to make Rowdy say "roof" and "bag." Not in bed though. Although I did once sleep with a different guy from the Upper Midwest and he said "ooh jeez, ooh jeez, OOOH JEEZ" the whole time. This has nothing to do with Cosmo. I just really wanted to tell that story.)
Take some sexy fabric with you when you two travel together, and use it to make a normal hotel look like a love motel.Sexy... fabric? If this were about sexy sheets, I'd sort of get that. But it's not sheets. You just bring some, like, red satin with you and tack it up to the headboard. Okay.
Man, and some people think condoms interrupt the spontaneity of sex. I hope they end up with partners who want to stop to reupholster the room first.
Fifty Shades of Grey has made its mark abroad: Light BDSM is the most popular sex trend in the world right now.I'm writing in extreme detail what I think of Fifty Shades of Grey, so I won't get into that here. But god, I hate that phrase "light BDSM." Or "light bondage." Places like Cosmo always use it to mean "acceptable BDSM that is for normal people and not weird degenerate freaks." I'm not sure what makes it that way.
Mostly it seems to involve keeping yourself pure by staying ignorant of good technique or safety measures. Negotiating and then tying someone up with hemp rope and two-column ties and safety shears is heavy freaky BDSM; surprising your partner by tying them up with a slipknot in a silk scarf is--by Cosmo standards--light BDSM.
Q: Sex with my boyfriend has become meh. How can I talk to him about improving it
A: Having a serious conversation can be overkill. Take action instead.Yeah, because if you talked about this, it would be a challenge you had to work on together! But this way, it's something he can be oblivious to while you bust your ass trying to "spice things up"! Of course, there is the slight drawback that if there's an actual reason your sex life has changed, you're never going to know it; you'll just grow gradually more resentful that he isn't responding to your efforts. But that's a small price to pay for not having to take the massive, drastic step of communicating with your partner.
Q: I was having sex with a guy I've been hooking up with, and he said to me, "I don't want you doing this with anyone else." Is he asking me to be exclusive?
Yes. Yes, that is what those words mean.
Although he's not offering to be exclusive himself, so unless you have a well-negotiated intentionally asymmetrical relationship, and I can absolutely guarantee you do not, he's being kind of a double-standardy asshole.
Q: My fiancé is sensitive to my needs and always makes sure I have an orgasm. But sometimes, I wish he would just push me down and have his way with me. He was like this once, after we went out and had a few drinks, and it was amazing. How do I get him to do that again
A: Uh, was that the only time the two of your ever got drunk together? Because it sounds like getting drunk together worked pretty well. Whether you're drinking or not, I'd recommend going out wearing a hot dress or skirt and whispering to him at some point that you're not wearing any underwear. It'll build up his anticipation until it explodes back home. You can also, you know, tell him what you want.So, basically you should try and entice him to attack you, as men are compelled to do to women in sexy clothing who are drunk. Gahhh.
I do like that Cosmo finally raises the possibility of communicating, though. Maybe they should have put that before the "drive his animal side so wild that he'll want to hurt you and have no idea you're actually enjoying it!"
the Footsie Roll: Place the condom securely on the tip with your hands, then lean back and balance on your forearms. Place your feet on either side of his penis, and gently roll the condom down with your big toes.This is going to go down really, really differently depending on how he feels about feet. You might want to check on that first.
[on women's dating profile pictures] The World Traveler: On a camel, on the top of a mountain, on a beach, on a boat... I admire the adventurous spirit, but will I ever be able to keep up with her? Is she ever at home? What's she running away from--him?Women who take vacations: clearly fleeing a dark past. You heard it here first, folks.
[a Zales jewelry ad] All of the carats. None of the calories.Diamonds: a low calorie food! Winner of this year's Technical Truth in Advertising award.